My life changed dramatically 2 years ago. 2 years ago today. 2 years ago and 4 days later I decided that I needed a change, I decided to apply for the Peace Corps. For those of you who know me, I think I come off relatively carefree, for those of you who really know me I think we both know that's a lie. I'm a planner, and extremely circumspect in making decisions. I play it safe, doing what is expected of me. Whose expectations I'm trying to live up to I'm still not sure but I feel like there is some unattainable goal of being the perfect everything. Daughter. Sister. Friend. It's silly to think that perfection exists and it's even sillier to think that my parents expected it of me. My dad believed I could change the world. Now while I'm not expecting to do that, at least not yet, is there any more special than that? To have someone believe in you so much? I'm not like the men in my family, I'm not the dreamer that they are, I'm pragmatic and complacent. I was looking for a desk job that I may or may not have loved, but I would do it because I work hard, I succeed, sometimes forgetting that there is a life out there to live.
I got my wake up call.
The thing about being a dreamer is that your life is filled with highs and lows, extreme ecstasy and turmoil. I learned that dreamers also break your heart which is probably why I prefer moderation. But here I am almost one year later, still in disbelief that I got on that plane. I thought there would be one reason or another to back out, that my pragmatism would convince me that I was making a mistake. Who goes to Bulgaria? Are you really making the right decision? Aren't you going to be 26 when you get back? Does that leave time for grad school? Law school? Establishing yourself in a career before you want to get married and have kids? Shut up. I'm 24. There is no better time than now and there is nothing else that I would rather be doing.
So dad, here's to you. Here's to breakfast for dinner, to coming to my field hockey, basketball, and lacrosse games and heckling refs (sometimes heckling teenage girls), to talking your way out of a speeding ticket that should have gotten the car impounded and you taken to jail when I was late to practice on the way home from a college interview, to buying lotto tickets for every occasion, to letting me throw parties at your apartment even if my friends made a mess. Here's to showing me it's okay to have dreams and do something out of the ordinary. I will never be the same as you, but I now know I can be more like you without losing who I am and who I aspire to be.
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