What a difference a year makes

For those of you who have patiently followed my ramblings for the past year + months, it is no secret or surprise that the first year of school was "challenging" I use that as a euphemism for MISERABLE. After an amazing summer of travels, friends, and a lack of stress I hit a serious depression wall when faced with the impending doom of September 15th.  Part of what I told myself I would do this year is stand up for myself. The atypical people pleaser, I knew that if I was going to stay in Bulgaria for another year I would have to find a way to make me happy. It ultimately came down to the choice of teaching 18 classes per week but teaching the 6th graders I taught last year again as 7th graders OR teaching 21 classes a week and working with a new batch of 6th graders. I had all of 30 seconds to make this decision so I went with the unknown. I know, it was tough, how was I to know if it would get any better?

I didn't. But it did.

For the first time I am at a loss of what to say. Usually I have tales of adversity, my struggles and what I've done to overcome them. Why my accomplishments, however small they may be, outweigh my setbacks, but after two days of school I have nothing to complain about. I hated, possibly envied, those volunteers here who loved their kids, loved their schools, talked about how great their lives were. We're all supposed to struggle through this together. It isn't supposed to be easy.

My first day of class I prepared for the worst. Fights. Name calling. Girls getting dragged out by their hair to fight in the bathroom. The normal things that happened during my first few weeks, if not days of school. Whereas I was hit with soda bottles, paper airplanes, and other various classroom weapons, this year I was shocked with their knowledge, enthusiasm, and good behavior. On my birthday, which today marks a lovely quarter century on this planet, I was presented with roses that a couple of girls picked for me. I've been told that I'm a good teacher. Last year it was all "I hate you" and "Kiss my penis".

If I even had one complaint about one of my 6th grade classes it is that one section is so ADD that they have trouble keeping on the task at hand. But they're kids! They are supposed to be inquisitive. Mind you the 8th graders are still as apathetic as ever. Learning is so not hot right now.

I know this is still only the beginning of the year but for the first time, in what feels like forever,  I am optimistic without it being a kind of blind optimism.

GAME ON.

It's the most wonderful time of the year?

Where has this summer gone? September 1st marks the first day of "work". I use that term loosely as it's barely an hour long meeting but classes get doled out and agendas discussed before everyone heads to the cafe. I take this time to zone out as my mind takes too long to process Bulgarian conversations out of context. Instead I play my favorite look busy past time anagram game by taking a word inspired by the place I currently am. For example, Director: Dire, tore, tire, rod, direct, cite, etc. etc. etc.
After this first meeting day we aren't at school again until the 15th with classes beginning on the 16th.
It's been almost 3 months since I've taught a lesson. Probably 4-5 months since I've had a full week of school. It's always at this time of year that this commercial pops into my head.


The beginning of the school year is one of those things that no one is ever ready for but part of me, the optimistic part of me, is ready to start. So the optimistic part of me also wants to talk why the coming months are going to be the best ones yet....
Cooler days=being able to drink coffee in the morning without breaking into a sweat.
Not sweating all the time. Living in a cement bloc doesn't allow for much ventilation.
The smell of Autumn and the smell of everyone turning on their wood burning stoves.
Pumpkin EVERYTHING
Cardigans and Blazers. What?
Not feeling guilty/being able to go to bed at 9pm.
CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS. Is that jumping the gun a bit?
So fare thee well summer. It's been fun. Play me out to this song

I saw America....and it was GLORIOUS

For those of you who don't know I took a brief hiatus from the BG and headed back to the land of the free and home of the brave. AMERICA.

The questions that most people seem to ask are generic but still the amazement that comes with it is genuine. 

"How was it?"

There are no words to describe how good it was being home. The best way to describe it was if I had been holding my breath for 13 months and when the plane landed in Newark I was finally able to exhale. I didn't think I would be so emotional, but broke down when I saw my mom for the first time. She quickly soothed me with a tall coffee light frappucino. She knows me too well. 

Was it weird being back?

Definitely not. It was weird how easy it was to slip back into my life. How simple it was to be back with my friends without skipping a beat. Knowing that even though I don't talk to them all the time it doesn't change how much I miss them, or how much they miss me.  I'm truly lucky to have such wonderful people back home supporting me, I didn't think it would matter as much as it does. I wish I could have been home longer, I didn't get to spend nearly enough time with my favorites. 

What did you eat? Did you eat Mexican?

What didn't I eat?! Of course I ate Mexican! I think I ate about 3 pounds of guacamole and a burrito the size of my head. What surprised me is that I didn't eat fish. I've been a semi-vegetarian for about 14 years now but went ovo-lacto a year ago. I wondered if I would be tempted at all by the promise of wild salmon from my local farmers market but resisted. Oddly enough the hardest moment was seeing a tuna fish sandwich at Pax. Yeah I know. Of all the things I could crave, I really wanted that tuna. 

Is it hard being back?

Yes, definitely. But do I regret my decision to come to Bulgaria? No not at all. In fact, I think going home affirmed more than ever that I made the right decision. I was stuck in a life rut before I came to Bulgaria, being here only makes me see how much beauty, life, and creativity there is in New York. Before I wasn't sure if I wanted to be back there ever, but going home made me appreciate how much difference is celebrated in the city. In New York no one is stared at for being different, everyone is different.  I know some people were worried that I wouldn't come back. I know I was worried that I wouldn't come back. I woke up every morning elated for the first week, then the second week I woke up every morning saying "I can't believe I have to go back to Bulgaria". However once I got back my perspective on everything changed. I was excited to see my friends and I actually got excited about starting my second year. I feel more confident in myself, my Bulgarian, and my abilities as a teacher, and I know that I can speak up more for what I believe in after having paid my dues for a year.


 Also, and I know I say this all the time, the friends I've made here both American and Bulgarian keep me sane, keep me motivated, and keep me from taking the easy way out and getting that one way ticket back home. 


Today marks one year as a Peace Corps Volunteer which means that this time next year I will be done. 365 days. 
365 Days
Piece.
Of.
Torta

Random Thought Process of the Day

д 

...That's the letter "d" in Bulgarian for some reason whenever I write it I can only think of 
the Super Sockets from my favorite childhood game Bubble Bobble. 

....Do you see it?

You know you've been in Bulgaria too long...

...When you're watching the Bulgarian equivalent of America's Funniest Home Videos and you're more impressed with the fact that they have a bathtub in their house rather than paying attention to the actual content.

....When you're watching a soap opera where one person is sick and the other one tries to force her to drink whiskey to feel better and that seems normal. And when she refuses you immediately know it's because she's not sick, she's pregnant. 

....When you find validity in the statement "Pearl Harbor is better than Titanic." 

...When you get into an argument over who is more attractive:

Hristo Botev

OR

Vasil Levski

**My vote was for Levski. 

This is what the last day of school feels like.

Today was a magical day. I am DONE with my first year of teaching. I officially have to be at school on Monday and Tuesday to work on end of year reports but I was told that the children aren't expected to come to school. All of my grades are in. There were hugs, there were tears but now it is OVER. 


This was pretty much my reaction as I departed from school:



Happy Summer!

Well that was a first

This week has been rough.

Rougher than most.

I can't explain why but I've found myself getting angry and annoyed with everyone. Colleagues treating me like a dumb child. My students trying to bargain their way into better grades than they deserve. Being a girl who went through puberty in New York, I have a thick skin when it comes to boys and the comments they make. It's degrading and upsetting to a point where I don't want to leave my apartment some days in fear that I'll hear someone yell "Kiss my penis"....and that's not even the worst of it. 

I think part of this funk is that I also realized that soon will mark the longest that I have lived continuously anywhere since I was 13 years old. I went away to boarding school coming for holidays and summer, followed by college following the same routine. I never spent more than 9 months in any one dwelling. The same followed after college. I went from New York to Buenos Aires to New York to DC to New York and there I stayed for a year waiting for my Peace Corps invitation. Around that 9 month mark (about the same amount of time I've been at my site) I started to get that itch. That vagabondy-wanderlusty-itch. I started applying for other jobs, I looked into going back to South America or Spain. To have that excitement of going somewhere new and different is exhilarating and addictive. 

I grumbled to myself as I went to meet my tutor. Where as my life was once exciting and fresh, everything seems so mundane and banal now. See I'm in a funk I know. Things turned around a bit when I met up with my tutor. As she was making dinner she gave me an assignment to write a postcard to her pretending that I was in America over Christmas and New Years the post card went something like this:

Dear Slava,

How are you? 

I'm fine. Last night I decorated the Christmas Tree with my family and then ate a lot of food. My mom made a cake. I'm now the fattest woman in the world. What are you going to do for New Year's? I'm going to a party with my friends and we're going to drink champagne all night. 

I miss you! Send my greetings to your mother, father and Vicky (the cat)

Kisses

Ellie. 

This letter ,I kid you not, brought her mother to tears. She acted like I was leaving tomorrow. She made me promise to call and write. I told her I would, but that I wasn't even leaving until next July, She dried her eyes. I thought to myself as we were sitting around the table having dinner and watching the news "I'm going to miss Bulgaria" Well that was a first. I never thought I would miss Bulgaria. I thought I would live my two years here, look back on it fondly but readily and happily move on. I think about the time I spent in Greece, Argentina, Costa Rica, Italy, and so on. I love all of those places, but I don't miss them. When I was in most of those places I was more likely a glorified tourist. I had a place to live but it was only temporary and I knew that. 2 years is not temporary. At least not for me. The excitement that comes with travel is amazing but what I'm doing here and now is more than that. It's settling in. It's making friends. It's getting adopted by a surrogate family. While I think my life is anything but invigorating now, I think that one day in the distant future I will look back at this time as possibly being the most stirring event to ever have happened to me. I guess we will see....